My Romance, a Smokescreen, Act Two

My Romance, a Smokescreen

Act Two

Elsewhere. A table and chairs, a telephone. TAYLOR, YORK sit, staring blankly. NANCY is onstage. HEWITT, ANDY enter.

HEWITT
So I said to myself right then and there, if that's the way it's going to be, I'm going to build my own damn woman! And that's exactly what I did. I called her Nancy -- with the laughing face. [Pause.] A little joke. Nancy. You remember.

Beckons for the phone, dials, waits.

[Into phone, agonized.] Shut up! Shut up!

Slams it down. Regains his composure.

This phone used to ring, every night at 1:30, like clockwork. She'd get off work at one, catch the 1:08 home. Not a long trip, but much too cold to walk. I'd wait for her call. I never could sleep. You know. Now I sit here in silence with nothing but my memories, and a typewriter that types itself, and tells me stories about the angels. Isn't that lovely? I'm making that up, of course. What use would I have for a typewriter?

Smiles and waves at NANCY, who smiles back.

[To ANDY.] You see, I like women.

Blows NANCY a kiss. She reciprocates.

Well, I like the idea of women.

ANDY
What did you mean you built a woman?

Blackout. Lights up. The kitchen. Table, chairs, phone. NANCY, ANDY.

NANCY
So what did you think of me at first? I mean, what was your first impression?

ANDY
I don't remember.

NANCY
Not at all? But you must.

ANDY
You seemed really self-absorbed. You had to make these little expressions when anyone said anything or whenever something happened, like you expected people to be watching you. Wait -- was that you?

Blackout. As before, i.e. everything as before the blackout.

You seemed really distant, as though life had little to offer you. I thought I could be your friend, but it'd never work out. You'd want more.

Blackout. As before.

I don't remember.

NANCY
Not at all? But you must.

ANDY
What about me?

NANCY
You?

ANDY
What did you think of me at first?

NANCY
I wanted you, of course.

Blackout. Lights up. As before.

You?

ANDY
What did you think of me? At first. Never mind.

Blackout. Lights up. NANCY, ANDY on the phone.

NANCY
There's something I want to tell you.

ANDY
Okay. [Pause.] Well. What is it?

NANCY
I don't know if I can say. I mean, I want to tell you, but I don't know if it's a good idea. Because if I tell you, it could lead to . . . things.

ANDY
Well . . . if you don't think it's a good idea . . .

NANCY
It's probably not a good idea . . .

I wrote it in a note. I was going to give it to you tomorrow. But now I'm not sure.

ANDY
Do you want to wait?

NANCY
I don't know.

ANDY
Do you want to tell me now?

NANCY
I don't know.

ANDY
Do you want to read me the note?

NANCY
Maybe. I don't know if I -- I'm not sure -- [Pause.] Okay.

Dear Andy. There is something I've been wanting to tell you, but I don't know if I should. If you're reading this, then I guess I went ahead and did it. I don't know if it's something you should know. Even if we talk about it, I wouldn't say it's something we necessarily should do anything about. So really there's no point in my bringing it up at all. It's just that I really want to tell you. What I've been trying to say is . . .

ANDY
Yes?

NANCY
That's the end of the first part.

ANDY
Mm-hmm . . .

NANCY
Then comes the hard part.

ANDY
Right . . .

NANCY
Then there's a third part.

ANDY
Okay. Okay, skip to the third part.

NANCY
Okay. Umm . . . I don't know why I'm telling you all this. You're probably better off forgetting all about it, because I don't think it's anything we have to act on, and it would have been better if I could just have kept my mouth shut about --

ANDY
Okay. Okay. Hold on. Go back.

NANCY
To the hard part.

ANDY
Yes.

NANCY
I don't know if I -- I mean I'm not sure it's -- it's just one sentence, really.

ANDY
How many words?

NANCY
Three.

ANDY
What's the first word?

NANCY
I.

ANDY
What's the third word?

NANCY
You.

ANDY [Taking a deep breath.]
What's the second word?

NANCY
I don't -- [Cuts herself off.]

ANDY
What's the first letter?

NANCY
W.

Pause. He mouths the words, I wuv you?

ANDY
What's the last letter?

NANCY
T.

He nods, his excitement draining away. He is trembling. Blackout. Lights up. Elsewhere. ANDY, HEWITT.

ANDY
I'm sorry. She and I were alone. It's all I can think about.

HEWITT
Yes.

ANDY
It was so beautiful.

HEWITT
Beautiful. Wondrous.

ANDY
Wondrous. I'm sorry.

HEWITT
I'm sorry.

ANDY
I'm sorry. It was so cold. But warm together. I'm sorry, it's

HEWITT
the weather

ANDY
the weather, it gets like this

HEWITT
like this

ANDY
and I just fall apart.

HEWITT
We'd be alone.

ANDY
alone

HEWITT
together

ANDY
together, yes . . . I'm sorry.

HEWITT
I'm sorry. It's

ANDY
It's all I can think about.

HEWITT
about.

ANDY
In the evening

HEWITT
Yes.

ANDY
in the corner of her room

HEWITT
her room

ANDY
it was

HEWITT
The curtains . . .

ANDY
Her window, it had no curtains. We'd huddle beneath it.

HEWITT
below it. She'd try to fade into the shadows, but I'd go in after her.

ANDY
in the cold

HEWITT
She'd disappear there

ANDY
in the corners. It got so dark

HEWITT
sometimes

ANDY
she'd try to vanish

HEWITT
but I could hear her

ANDY
I could hear

HEWITT
the sound of her breathing

ANDY
the sound of her breathing

HEWITT
like a baby

ANDY
like a baby in my arms, it was

HEWITT
everything

ANDY
it was everything to me.

HEWITT
to -- hm.

ANDY
I'm sorry.

Pause.

HEWITT
It was warm.

ANDY
It could be warm. When her arms were open.

HEWITT
When her arms were open.

ANDY
But it got so cold

HEWITT
the scent of her hair

ANDY
so cold

HEWITT
and her skin

ANDY
those winters

HEWITT
the touch of her

ANDY
so cold

HEWITT
but they weren't so cold then

ANDY
so cold

HEWITT
but not as cold as

ANDY
her skin, it's

HEWITT
not as cold as

ANDY
the touch of her, as cold as the

HEWITT
window

ANDY
blowing

HEWITT
right

ANDY
through me the

HEWITT
window

ANDY
blowing

HEWITT
right

ANDY
through me the

HEWITT
wind

ANDY
is blowing

HEWITT
right

ANDY
through me the

HEWITT
wind

ANDY
is blowing

HEWITT
right

ANDY
inside me

HEWITT
as cold as

ANDY
inside

HEWITT
in just the

ANDY
touch of her

HEWITT
inside

ANDY
the touch of her

HEWITT
inside

ANDY
I'm just

HEWITT
inside

ANDY
the touch of her -- stop.

HEWITT
I'm sorry.

ANDY
I'm sorry.

HEWITT
It's --

ANDY
It's all I can think about.

HEWITT
It's all I can -- yes.

Blackout. Lights up. The kitchen. ANDY, MONICA.

ANDY
Please kiss me.

MONICA [Sadly.]
I can't. I'm sorry.

ANDY
It's okay. [Pause.] Don't you want to?

MONICA [Nodding.]
I'm sorry.

ANDY
It's all right. It's just that -- [Cuts himself off.]

MONICA
I can't.

ANDY
Okay.

MONICA
I can't.

ANDY [Gently, patiently.]
All right.

MONICA
I'm sorry.

ANDY
Okay.

MONICA
I really am sorry.

ANDY
I know. It's just that -- you said you wanted us -- [Cuts himself off.]

MONICA [Nodding.]
I just can't kiss you.

ANDY
Yet. [She nods.] So . . . I'll wait.

MONICA
I'm sorry.

ANDY
It's okay.

MONICA
I am.

ANDY
It's all right.

MONICA
We can still --

ANDY
I'll wait.

MONICA
I'm --

ANDY
I know.

Pause. She suddenly lunges to kiss him. Barely an inch from his lips she hesitates, then kisses him gently. The kiss begins to escalate into a more passionate embrace, which she breaks off abruptly. She pulls away, shaking her head, her eyes clamped shut.

MONICA
I'm sorry . . . I'm sorry . . .

ANDY
. . . kay, it's okay . . .

He pulls her to him. They hold each other.

It's all right. You know how I feel. You don't believe me? You trust me, don't you? But you don't believe me. I've waited my whole life for someone exactly like you.

MONICA
Not exactly. Maybe like me, but not exactly.

ANDY
Monica, you are so beautiful . . .

Anger flares up in her eyes. She pulls away.

MONICA
Don't you say that! Don't you ever say that!

ANDY
I can't say --

MONICA
Don't. Don't you say it. Don't you say it, or I will never, ever believe another word you say.

ANDY
Okay . . .

MONICA
I'm going to curl up in a little ball now.

ANDY
What?

MONICA
I'm going to curl up in a little ball. I'm going away for a little while.

ANDY
Please, don't. I'm still here.

MONICA
I'm curling up in a little ball, as little as I can make it. And when I curl up in a ball, don't try to put your arms around the ball, because that only makes it worse.

ANDY
Why? Why won't you let me help? Why must you be so alone? This is my fault, all my fault.

MONICA
You hate me.

Blackout. Lights up. The kitchen. Night. ANDY stares at the telephone. He picks up the receiver. Dial tone is heard. Blackout. Lights up. Elsewhere. HEWITT, ANDY. ANDY replaces receiver.

HEWITT
You trace this line all the way home, and there we'll have her. There'll be no escaping this time, because I'll have the phone, and she'll have to admit I love her. You can only say it so many times. You can only demonstrate for so long. You can only wait home so many evenings into nights into mornings hoping she'll call, staring endlessly out the window, praying you'll catch a glimpse of her, walking up to your doorstep--to surprise you, to say, Here I am, and I promise, this time I'm going to make it all up to you.

Monopoly. My God.

ANDY
Stop it. Stop it. There is more to life.

HEWITT
No.

ANDY
There are plenty of other fish in the sea.

HEWITT
No.

ANDY
Good God, all this wreckage.

HEWITT
No.

ANDY
Tomorrow's still another -- what do you mean, no?

HEWITT
Oh, Lord. How long has it been? How long have I been waiting? I don't know why you do this to me, Monica. I really don't. I've rotted away. I've only the ghost of a heart to keep me going. But what else can I do? You will come around. You must. You're all I have. You know, you've caused me more pain than any other human being on the face of this earth, but you are the only thing that keeps me going. I couldn't face a life without you. Oh, it would be the coldest place.

Blackout. Lights up. The kitchen. NANCY, ANDY. Their arms are loosely around each other. They are kissing softly, feeling and breathing only each other. She kisses his face and neck.

NANCY
I'm really not -- [Kisses.] -- like this. [Kisses.] I'm just not -- [Kisses.] --an affectionate person. [Kisses.] I'm not. [Kisses.] At all. [Kisses. They pull each other close, kissing deeply.]

Blackout. Lights up. Elsewhere. TAYLOR, HEWITT, YORK.]

TAYLOR
There is no need for conversation when two are of the same mind. But it is rare indeed when two minds share a common perspective. And how would one know either way, if no conversation has taken place? Such is the power of the written word. The telephone changed everything. Now it's all talk, talk, talk. Hello, how are you? I'm fine, how are you? Nothing said, no meaning conveyed. But letters! Oh, it was a finer time when this world was a world of letters. None of this blathering away over nothing; feelings condensed, thoughts reduced to essential points, etc.

HEWITT
Physics. Simple physics. In nature there are two states in which bodies may exist in relation to one another: touching and not touching. These two are separated by a wall, the height of which is discouraging to contemplate. How does one scale that wall? What does it take to make that leap from one side to the other? For example, I stand in a crowd of people with whom I am more or less acquainted.

YORK
Perhaps a number of business associates.

HEWITT
Perhaps. Now, say there is someone nearby whom I wish to touch. Let us assume I speak of someone not likely to take offense at such an action. Oh.

YORK
Mm.

HEWITT
Yes, yes, you see, I've hit a snag already. Well, onward nonetheless. Gentlemen, allow me to presume that this person, who I'll call . . . ah . . .

YORK
Red?

HEWITT
Fine, yes. Allow me, please, to presume that this Red, as you say, will receive my touch in the spirit in which it is offered. In other words--and I realize this is tricky, but I must ask your indulgence on this point, for the sake of argument. Let us recognize this touch, this hypothetical touch, as a touch for its own sake, and not, I repeat, not a means to an end. Not, that is to say, a bid for attention, the way one taps another on the shoulder, or God forbid, the opening gambit in an elaborate series of sexual overtures . . .

YORK AND TAYLOR [Coughing.]
Heavens, no.

HEWITT
No, no. Understand this touch as being for the pure enjoyment and gratification of simple physical contact. Gentlemen, are we together on this? All right. Now, given all this--and I grant you, even thus far I am asking for nothing less than a genuine leap of faith. Gentlemen, given all that I have established, the question is: how do I then progress from the point of merely thinking of touching, to the point of actually, physically touching; qualitatively having left the first state, to be physically inhabiting the second?

Settles back in his chair. Long silence.

YORK
It is indeed a problem.

TAYLOR
One takes what one can in this world.

HEWITT
You see -- there can be no compromise, no in-between. It's all or nothing.

Pause.

YORK
Although . . .there have been occasions . . .there have been occasions when a look, or a turn of the head . . . has seemed a bridge . . . I can't explain precisely . . . a bridge from one state to the other. Not a touch, but something that almost felt like a touch.

HEWITT
Good Lord!

YORK
Yes, yes, and certain words, even, that touched my heart. This is significant: my heart felt touched.

HEWITT
Oh, my. Yes, this definitely deserves some consideration. Oh, I shall make a note of this.

ANDY suddenly rushes in and collapses, convulsing. The phone rings. Again. HEWITT answers.

HEWITT'S VOICE [Over the phone, agonized.]
Shut up! Shut up!

Sound of phone slamming down on the other end. HEWITT gapes at the receiver. Blackout. Lights up. Elsewhere. ANDY as THE INVENTOR, MONICA as THE WOMAN.

INVENTOR [Demonstrating.]
It's a Regret Machine, and now you can rest assured you've done the right thing! It's a Regret Machine, and it changes everything.

WOMAN
Ahhh! I can feel it working already!

They freeze, grinning. Blackout.

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